Everyone is Afraid of Something
by CeliaEquus
Summary: For a prompt on the Avengers Kink Meme. Phil appears to be afraid of Steve's report on a recent battle. Steve's persistence leads to Phil confessing his one and only shameful phobia. See in-story for details. Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, or any other Marvel thingummies, nor am I making money from this. Capsicoul for the win, as always.


"Everyone is Afraid of Something"

Agent Phil Coulson of SHIELD, clearance level seven, unofficial God of Tasers and all around bad-ass, froze when he saw the report that Steve Rogers had just placed in front of him.

"What. What is that?" he asked once he unglued his tongue from the roof of his mouth.

"It's my report on the fight against the guy with the evil robotic unicorns," Steve said, his brows drawing together. "You said that you wanted it as soon as possible. Have the others done theirs yet?"

"N-no," Phil said, pushing his chair back. "No, they haven't. Uh, did you do an electronic report?"

"Not enough time," Steve said. "And you know how I hate trying to fill those out. I promise I'll do one. Just… you said that you needed this information ASAP."

"That's right. I know. It's good of you to do this. Uh, just leave it with me. I'll get right on it."

Steve nodded, and began to walk towards the door. He paused, and turned back. "Are you all right, sir? You don't seem your usual self."

"I'm good. Really."

"Do I need to get someone from medical to check you over, just in case?"

Phil smiled; Steve smiled back automatically. God, he hadn't known that it was possible for Captain Rogers to be even more handsome than he already was. He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his desk, and nearly fell over. He was further back than he'd thought.

"Phil! That does it. I'm taking you to medical."

"No," Phil said firmly, pulling his chair back in. He hesitated when he looked at the report. "It's all right."

"It isn't," Steve insisted, and he rounded the desk. With not even a hop, he sat on the edge, blocking the file from view. Phil relaxed. "What's got you in a tizz?"

"A tizz?" His heart damn near fluttered. "I don't know what you're talking about, Captain." Steve frowned. "Really. See? I'm perfectly calm."

"You're nearly always perfectly calm," Steve said. He glanced backwards, then back to Phil. Casually, he leaned so that Phil could see the report again. He tensed unconsciously, only relaxing again when Steve moved back into position. "You can't be scared of paperwork, or else you'd be living in a perpetual state of fear. You're not scared of unicorns, either. I saw you take three down yesterday."

"Good thing I never believed in them, or I'd be scarred for life," Phil said dryly. With Steve Rogers taking up his view, he could die right now and die happy.

"There's something that's got you tensing when you see the report. Is it… is it because it's my report?" He looked sad. Phil felt a pang of guilt.

"No, Steve," he said gently. "I've never had a problem with your reports before."

"Then what is it?"

Phil sighed, and looked down. "Promise not to tell anyone."

"Of course. I'll pinky swear, if you want to."

"Not necessary." He made eye contact with the superhero, preparing to bear his most shameful secret. "You're right; I have this fear. It's… it's kind of debilitating, at least in this profession. I'm usually okay."

"What's it a fear of?"

"…Staples."

Steve stared at him, and then grinned. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm not."

"Oh my… Oh, Phil, that's just…" He sniggered. Phil scowled.

"I know it's highly amusing to you, _Captain_, but it isn't to me," he said. To his credit, Steve tried to stop laughing.

"How did that come about?" he asked.

"It was when I went trick-or-treating with my sister when I was ten. She was going as a witch, and I was going as a newly-turned vampire."

"You couldn't just be a run-of-the-mill vampire, could you?"

"Of course not."

"Sorry. Go on."

Phil slumped minutely. "My sister Lucy decided that we should do our own make-up, since we were getting too old for our parents to help with our costumes. We decided that a staple had the perfect distance for two vampire teeth. So we dipped the ends of one in some fake blood the older kids made for everyone to use."

"I think I can see where this is going."

"Hindsight is a great thing, Captain Rogers."

Steve bit his lower lip. "I wish you'd call me Steve. You did before."

"May I continue, Steve?"

"I won't interrupt again."

"When Lucy finally found the right position, she pressed the fake blood-drenched staple against my neck. Just as she did, another kid ran past, spooked by the neighbour's dog, and the staple actually went into my neck."

"Did it hit… No. Sorry."

Phil paused. "It didn't hit any major arteries, if that's what you were going to ask. But whatever was in the fake blood – either that, or we didn't clean the staple properly – it gave me an infection. It was pretty severe; I nearly had to be hospitalised. After that, I just refused to go near staples." He sighed again. "It's stupid, I know. The one actual phobia I have, and it's for staples. And staplers and staple removers, by default."

Steve's lips were trembling. Phil feared another outburst of laughter, and looked away.

"That's… that's _adorable_!"

And then Steve swooped down and kissed Phil, pressing him back against the leather of his desk chair. He pulled away soon enough, but he was smiling, so much so that the skin at the edges of his eyes crinkled.

"Wha…?"

"You. You're so adorable," Steve repeated, emphasising the last word with a kiss to Phil's nose. "And if your only real fear is of some kind of stationery supply, then we're very lucky to have you as our leader."

"You're the leader," was all Phil could say, dumbfounded by this display of unexpected affection.

"Our handler, then. I'm honoured to have you handling me." And Captain Freaking America goddamn leered at him.

"Oh God. You've been around Stark for too long."

Steve leaned forward, and whispered into Phil's ear, "I know something else that's long."

Phil gulped. "Maybe we should lock the door."

* * *

"I've got a confession," Steve said later, as they lounged together on the sofa in Phil's office, mostly-clothed. "I have a fear of my own, and it's pretty debilitating."

"It's not a fear of robotic unicorns, is it?"

Steve laughed softly. "No." He turned serious as he tilted Phil's face up towards his. "It's a fear of anything bad happening to you."

Phil gazed at him for the longest time.

"Just keep me away from staples, and let me do that worrying for you," he said. Steve shook his head.

"It just gives me something to fight for," he said.

And they kissed again.

* * *

**This was only supposed to be a mini-fill. M. I. N. I.**

**How in Odin's name did it turn into this?**

**So this is a fill for another prompt on the Avengers Kink Meme. Because apparently the Kink Meme is good for my writing. Or something. I'm certainly more prolific than ever, which is a pretty big feat; if you're already familiar with my writing, then you know what I mean.**

**It was supposed to be a short, amusing tale, with minimal slash, and turned into the story you've just read. I'm so sorry. Unless you liked it, in which case I'm not sorry at all.**


End file.
